Cathouse Camera

So I was doing my regular search for cathouse webcams when I stumbled upon this... Yes, it's a biography of a cat. Yes, that's a midi of the theme song from Dallas playing in the background. After a few more clicks I came to the real goodies: realtime catcams.

My work for the day is now complete. Good night.

Daddy's Not Happy

Oh dear. Fred Daddy Thompson isn't happy. How do you piss off Daddy and the Daddy-Complex Party? Easy. Say something bad about the military or the people who lead it. That's exactly what Harry Reid did on a conference call recently, and you know Daddy has to say *something*.

Well, you've heard by now that Senate leader Harry Reid insulted one of this country's brightest military minds, Marine Corps General Peter Pace -- calling him "incompetent." Let me take a few moments to put this in context.

Oh yeah. This is going to get good. Daddy won't let you figure this out alone. No, no. If you're going to lead the Daddy Party then you have to be willing to explain how things work...

First, Harry Reid voted for the war, like a majority of our legislators. America decided as a nation to free Iraq and the region from Saddam Hussein's tyranny. I have friends, both Democrat and Republican, who questioned the decision at the time, but the Republic made a commitment based on constitutional and democratic procedures. So they are now a hundred percent committed to moving forward in a way that’s best for our country. None of them, by the way, believe surrendering to the forces of terror in Iraq is what's best for our country.

But Daddy? I thought we decided as a nation to go after Saddam's nuclear and biological WMD stocks. Isn't that what Colin Powell went to the UN for? Oh wait... our current Daddy changed the reason after the WMD was not found. But let's explore the concept of what's best for our country. Is it best for us to attempt to force a society into an unfamiliar mold? Or is it best for us to bring the troops home from their successful mission and allow them to rest and recuperate while we rebuild our military infrastructure. (Oh, and by the way, "surrendering to the forces of terror" is sooo September 12. People aren't buying it anymore.)

Harry Reid, though, has taken a different route. He made his statement about General Pace on a conference call with fringe elements of the blogosphere who think we're the bad guys. This is a place where even those who think the 9/11 attacks were an inside job find a home.

Oh SNAP! "Fringe elements of the blogosphere?" Now, I'm not Daddy but I'd like to put this into a little context. Harry Reid's had a conference call with a group of progressive bloggers with a larger audience base than conservative bloggers. And you want to talk about fringe? Daddy has a podcast of this hit-piece on his blog. You can't even count that audience as fringe; that's a discarded left nipple tassle in Cher's closet. I will give him an E for Effort for the de rigeur 9/11 reference.

How could anyone possibly believe, as Reid charges, that our commanding general in Iraq, David Petraeus, is out of touch with what's going on. Surely someone in Reid's position would know that Petraeus is briefed daily on all aspects of Iraq -- from civil to military. Surely he has to know that Petraeus is a true warrior scholar who literally wrote the Army's book on counterinsurgency warfare.

Savage Symbolic Soliloquy Batman! Petraeus is a modern day Lao Tzu! He literally wrote the book that Bush would have read if he cared about military strategy. And Petraeus is so in touch that he decided that we could implement his strategy without enough troops to sustain it. Kinda makes you wonder what Daddy's Iraq strategy will be. Force another 150,000 troops into Iraq for at least a decade until we "clear, hold, and rebuild"? That's going to be a tough sell no matter how deep and rich your accent is.

But Reid's comments are not meant for logical analysis. He proclaimed the war lost some time ago, and the surge as a failure even before the additional troops were on the ground. The problem is that every one of Reid's comments I've noted here has also been reported gleefully by Al Jazeera and other anti-American media. Whether he means to or not, he’s encouraging our enemies to believe that they are winning the critical war of will.

Damn. Daddy brings home the bacon and throws it into the baked bean casserole. How could Reid possibly know that the war was lost some time ago? It's not possible because nobody in the administration has clearly defined the goals of this war! How can Reid say we've lost the war against evildoers that hate us for our freedoms?!? (And don't even try engaging that logic in combat, it'll whip your ass everytime.) And how could Reid say that the surge is a failure before it began? It's like he read the manual on counterinsurgency warfare and realized that we weren't actually implementing it....

Daddy makes a good point about the gleeful Al Jazeera reporting. If anything can be defined as gleeful, it would be that. (However, Al Jazeera would likely be even more gleeful for a discount on Law & Order syndicated episodes starring Daddy!)

I can see why the Daddy Party is so excited about candidate Fred Thompson. He has EVERYTHING. You can't read his diatribes without imagining that you're sitting in his lap, lightheaded by the combination of Aqua Velva and cigar smoke, enveloped by that husky Southern Accent that is the very definition of gravitas. Could I say these things to Daddy when he's on his sixth glass of scotch and second Cuban cigar of the evening? Of course not.

But he does have it all. The accent. The empty rhetoric. The 35-year old trophy wife. The five grandchildren. A role in the 1980's S&L bank scandal. A role in The Hunt For Red October. He helped a company avoid paying asbestos settlements. And he was on Law and Order and one of its spin-off series. This is so beyond Reagan that it's not even funny. This isn't your Daddy's Daddy. This is Daddy 2.0. Stronger. Handsomer. More Actor. More Senator. More. More. More.

If I had a Daddy Complex, I would probably vote for him...

Made In America

The Sopranos ended its eight year run with a finale that left fans in the dark on one or two issues. Here are my ruminations on the subject...

The show was an exploration of the psyche of the patriarch of two post-modern American families. We were invited into the lives of those within his immediate circle and this gave us context into their relationship with Tony and how it impacted his mental dialogue. However, the primary focus of this show was Tony Soprano and his voyage through therapy with Dr. Melfi. Once that relationship ended with the next-to-last episode (85), then the show lacked a reason to exist. Thus, the last episode (86) was simply a gift to the fans that demanded a showdown between the NY and NJ crime families.

The show had become a bit of a soap opera over the last few seasons, and we were stuck going over the same material again and again. Who would Tony whack? Who will turn on the family? Is Agent Harris really investigating terrorism? WTF is the deal with Paulie's wings? Why the hell are we hearing a voice over from Vito? The finale allows you to keep speculating on these issues without sealing you into one specific story.

The title of the last episode is Made in America and it is an appropriate tautology for everything that we've seen in this series and made this statement one final time.

-Meadow and AJ are your typical, spoiled, DUMB American kids. Carmela is an Italian-American woman that has conveniently sat aside her religious/moral principles for a consumerist lifestyle (paid with blood money).

-The Sopranos crime family is now far-removed from its Italian roots and can only be recognized as a product of America. (Remember that Paulie couldn't even eat authentic food when he travelled to Italy.)

- SUV's are featured prominently in the series, and especially in the final episode. The SUV is a metaphor for the American hubris, capable of rolling over any landscape (or body part) in its way. However, these vehicles (and Americans) are prone to exploding at a most inappropriate moment.

- Americans love to proclaim their faith in God and Jesus, and they really like to do it with a nice gold chain around their neck. It's important to be perceived as religious, but it can't supplant the pursuit of the American dream. The final scene underscored this point brilliantly by showing the family partaking of the American eucharist: they didn't put a piece of Jesus' flesh on their tongue, they consumed greasy American fried food.

And what of the ending itself? I think it was appropriate. The show ended properly in the last episode, and so we were stuck tying up the loose ends of an unending soap opera. Bobby said that you never hear the shot that kills you, so it's possible that Tony was whacked by that shady guy in the bathroom. Or, the final moments indicated the type of tension that engulfs Tony's daily life. It doesn't matter either way. The story arc had concluded, and all that was left was the continuation of a melodrama. The fans would have been upset if Tony died, Tony lived, Tony flipped to the Government, Tony opened a pizzeria, Tony married his daugher, or if Tony became a crime fighting superhero. So we are left with the possibility of any and all of those possibilities.

It was a helluva journey, and I won't stop believing that we'll see a movie or perhaps a spin-off series. Meadow could get her own Law & Order series. AJ could produce a show called Goth Talk starring Vito's son. Carmela could get a spot on Flip This House. How about My Two Paulies starring Paulie Walnuts and Pauly Shore?

The possibilities are endless if you just fade to black...

Evolution Shmevolution

This isn't much of a surprise. The "Mah-Daddy" Party doesn't believe in evolution. I think it can be explained quite easily.

- "When I was a kid mah Daddy taught me that life is precious and God and the Bible."

- "Mah Daddy told me that we came from Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, and not from monkays."

I think that's basically where most Republicans start in life and they stay on that path. Hell, it worked for Daddy, right?

They still rely on the scientific process (that generated the theory of evolution) to improve the quality of their life, though. Air conditioning in our malls? Comes from science. Bunker busting bombs? That ain't coming from Jesus. High speed data exchange with failsafe switchover? Science.

A theory to explain the origin of our current biological system? Science just doesn't cut it. There's not enough evidence to prove the theory of evolution, so we're just going to stay with mah daddy's explanation. We were created by an invisible man who peeks into our invisible souls and categorizes our invisible spirits between two invisible worlds for our invisible afterlife. And you know mah daddy just can't be wrong. There's no need to try and prove that one wrong...

Is It Can Be Music Reviews Time?

I've been in a rock mood lately while waiting for the new Velvet Revolver album to release. I never got around to reviewing the new NIN LP, so I thought I'd do it now and throw in a couple extras to boot.



Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero

Well I used to stand for something
But forgot what that could be
There's a lot of me inside you
Maybe you're afraid to see

Well I used to stand for something
Now I'm on my hands and knees
Traded in my god for this war
And he signs his name with a capital G

I've meant to write a review of this album for a while, but I'm afraid that I can't find words to express my feelings. This is the first album where Reznor steps outside the skin of the depressed kid in the back of the classroom. He's always written from the perspective of the kid who feels that his voice is unheard and unwanted. After a decade of platinum albums and sell-out tours, he's finally realized that his voice is recognized. With Year Zero, Reznor is making a statement about our political landscape, our society, and the direction we are all heading together.

I didn't care for the first single Survivalism until I saw its accompanying video. At that point, I realized that this isn't necessarily a NIN song. It's a signal from the future. It isn't Nine Inch Nails, it's a garage band that is loosely connected to a cellular resistance group of artists. Like the rest of the messages from the Year Zero ARG, Survivalism is a signal sent back into time that speaks against our actions today and the future they create. It's a metaphor for the album itself, and an appropriate introduction to Year Zero proper.

The Year Zero concept would be good enough as an internet game or graphic novel, but it would fail as an album if Fallout Boy or Kid Rock supplied the soundtrack. The sounds of Year Zero are a look into the future of industrial rock and computer-obsessed garage bands. Trent and Atticus Ross push current music software to the edge to produce a collage of noise that sounds like a band of defective Roombas crying in garbled binary. It's a musical statement that doesn't come from Trent, but from Tron Reznor.



Marilyn Manson - Eat Me, Drink Me

Faster, faster,
Faster-faster-faster-faster,
I'm late, I'm late!
And the hands on my clock
Are starting to shake.

While Trent Reznor has travelled into the future to witness the dangers of the George P. Bush presidency, Marilyn Manson travelled back to the 19th Century to issue a report from the birth of Gothic culture. Marilyn has never attempted to push the sonic boundaries of music; he has been content sculpting pop albums for the post-therapy generation. He and Tim Skold (of Kingfish, KMFDM) crafted an inspired gothic industrial-pop album that feels timeless and strangely personal. Manson channels The Vampire Lestat, the Mad Hatter, the Antichrist Superstar, Armin Meiwes, and David Bowie in his performance to deliver one of his best albums to date.

Eat Me, Drink Me is full of iconic (and ironic) imagery that would seem contrived if it were produced by anybody except for Manson. Vampires, Frankenstein, Witches, Funerals, The Red Queen, and The Devil all make an appearance on this album. But all are bit players in the tragic account Manson delivers here. He's moved beyond the roles of instigator, inquisitor, and fornicator. This is a monologue delivered by Manson's living corpse as he drinks from the Cask of Amontillado. (Supplemented by an industrial rock soundtrack created by a band of vogue vampires.) It's an album that should creep out parents and make you consider painting your fingernails black, but unlike his recent work this doesn't feel like an album calculated to push you in those directions.


Ozzy Osbourne - Black Rain

Politicians confuse me.
I watch the body count rise.
Why are the children all marching, Into the desert to die.

I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting much from the new Ozzy album. I felt that his reality show portrayed him as a neutered, irrelevant, pampered rock retiree. Black Rain isn't a concept album or an attempt to "revive" his career with a lot of special guests. It's not the soundtrack to a movie that doesn't yet exist like the others that I have reviewed today. No, this isn't as powerful as his earlier work. However, it's slightly more mature than other entries in his catalogue. Ozzy wants to make a statement about his life, retirement, and the world around him. He isn't taking the Rod Stewart path and singing big band standards. He sticks with one of the better guitarists in metal today (Zakk Wylde), and delivers an album consistent with any of his albums since No More Tears. It may not be groundbreaking, but it is new Ozzy. If you like his old stuff, you'll find something to like here.

Faith Based News-like Items

Oh Jebus.

EVERYBODY knows that you can't be President of the United States of Jesus without Faith. Faith that some invisible creep conceived us all and soaks up our dirty thoughts. We get it. Therefore, we don't need to go through another damn Presidential Election cycle where we have to suffer through weekly "news" reports about every candidate's identical belief in the Faith and Healing Power of Jesus. OK?

But evidently that isn't possible. The Boston Globe is running an article that indicates faith will play an even larger role this cycle. So, it's not just a race for the White House. It's a competition to see who has a bigger hard-on for Jesus. Obviously this puts Hillary at a huge advantage, because she can use Bill's AND her own personal collection of strap-ons.

But don't have faith in the Boston Globe's reporting. There's proof that we'll be discussing Jesus until he finally comes home and brings the pork chops.

Hillary couldn't have suffered through her marriage without the Powa! of Jesus! Silly me. I had faith in the power of the individual to rise above moments of strife. I thought Hillary was being a strong woman and a strong wife. Now I see that she was in the corner babbling to King of the Cloud Kingdom.

And who can forget that moment last year when Obama chastised Democrats for not competing for the support of Evangelicals. (In case you're not familiar with that term, Evangelicals are those people who feel the need to warn you that their car will be empty if Zombie Jesus shows up again.)

Mitt Romney is Mormon! And that's pretty scary for some people because "those people" believe that Jesus will come and rule Missouri. That's preposterous to those Evangelical secretaries who are expecting Jesus to come along and rescue them from traffic. But is America ready for a President that wears sacred religious underpants? Hmmm. I will agree that's certainly a question. But I guess it's OK just as long as he still believes in Invisible Hippie Jesus and his Dad, the all-knowing Magic 8-Ball of Faith.

What about Ron Paul? That sick fuck doesn't even mention Jesus, Christianity, or Religion on his website. He didn't want to use public funds to support faith-based groups. Sure, Wikipedia might say that he's Protestant, but he didn't mention it during the last debates. No wonder he doesn't have a chance to win...

Please, Jesus or Calgon. Take me away.