Amnestah!

You may have felt a general sense of unease in the air lately. Well, if you're a Republican, that is. Michael Moore's new movie premieres tomorrow night and that's always an uncomfortable experience for the Right Wing.

But that's not the biggest problem in your life. A new immigration bill is close to passing, and it doesn't have anything about setting fire to anybody lacking proper paperwork. Strike One. It doesn't have anything about shutting down Telemundo or soccer. Strike Two. And worst of all, it offers amnesty to everybody everywhere for everything. Strike Three.

But don't take my word for it, let's go to the intellectuals of the Right Wing.

The aptly named Hot Air blog says:

A huge new population of legalized unskilled workers means not only new Democratic voters but unionization, possibly on a grand enough scale to bring about a reawakening of the labor movement. If so, that’ll encompass unskilled Americans too. Granted, it’ll be a cold comfort to those Americans that the jobs they would have gotten if not for the immigrant labor glut now pay a lot more than they did before

Holy shit. Every illegal alien will vote Democrat and create a union for jobs that Americans covet. Translation: "Real" Americans will be jealous of the newly formed Democratic Orange Workers Union. Think about the last time you went to a restaurant and looked at the hispanic dishwasher and said, "Damn. That could be MY job!" And you thought you were jealous of all the illegal aliens that don't speak english working on Wall Street? Just wait until they have a union. I think I have the vapors...

Hence the new, expansive “brown person” formulation, which pits most racial minorities against conservatives in one fell swoop by suggesting that “brownness” itself is somehow frightening or intolerable to us and thus the real cause of all this hand-wringing over open borders. That term of art hasn’t trickled up to the party establishment yet, so far as I know, but it surely will have by the time illegals are legalized and begin to unionize and register in numbers. If the rhetoric is deployed skillfully enough (and the left is very, very good at this sort of thing), it could raise what they’d doubtless call “brown consciousness” to the point where it’s worth another 10-20% of the already large and growing Latino vote.

Yeah, the Democrats have been working on the "brown person" formulation for a long time now. I think it's called Howard Dean's Brownie Derivative. Yes, it's formulated to pit racial minorities against conservatives in one fell swoop. I would've thought it might take two fell swoops and possible a single scooch, but Dean has this one nailed. Maybe if the "brown conciousness" would read blogs like Hot Air, then they'd realize that they were duped. In one fell swoop.

The doyenne of "brown semi-conciousness", Michelle Malkin, sums up the bill like so:

Let me boil it down to fundamentals: Bush-Kennedy amnesty is the J. Wellington Wimpy plan:

"I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."

Amnesty is the hamburger. Enforcement is the payment that will never come.

Now I understand. Illegals are the "brown conciousness" that have infiltrated the sesame seed buns of Canada and Mexico. In between lies the expansive brown soy formulation where you would expect to find pure American red meat. Those fucking illegals. And they've done this in one fell swoop. I suspect Carlos Mencia is to blame. We should at least deport that son-of-a-bitch.

The Voice of Iowa provides a voice of logic-like residue:

If Congress wants to reform immigration, that’s fine. But you cannot do it without FIRST securing the border. If they build the wall and secure it with plenty of people to patrol it and the technology to help them monitor it, then I would have ZERO problem with just about any program they come up with, and that even would include a full-blown amnesty. But you leave the border that wide open, it guarantees that we’ll be back to this point again in the near future.

Hmmm. First the goddamn voices in Iowa forced us to go to Iraq and spend something like half a billion dollars because they got ants in their pants over one type of "brown conciousness". Now they want spend more of our money to build a two thousand mile fence because they got ants in their pants over another type of "brown conciousness". Seems like the voices from the Heartland are costing us waaaaay to much money.



And what is the deal with this unbelievable amnesty program? It blows a ton of money on a fence that appears to be at least a thousand miles shorter than the border. Strike One. It requires employers and employees to spend more resources to prove citizenship. Strike Two. We have to pay for another government program to create 'Z Visas' that are the first step of a 12-year program toward citizenship. Strike Three. And the American Taxpayers are Out!

Seriously, I think I'm a little tired of seeing my tax money being spent to support the "brown conciousness" in every damn country except my own.

My solution to the immigration "problem"? Let me toss out my own expensive, ridiculous solution: Buy Mexico. Legalize their drugs and sell them to the millions of Americans who use them. Invest in companies that will generate good jobs in Mexico. Hell, do "something" positive instead of calling them criminals or lumping them into something called "the brown conciousness". We can blow a lot of money on a program that won't work, or we can tackle it head-on and make positive changes in our country and theirs.

Oh, and get us the f-ck out of Iraq while you're at it. I'd rather spend that money on security in the ports 20 miles from my home. Thanks.