TEH AL QQUAIDA'R IS COMING!!!

Jesus. Run, people. ABC News and The White House say that the terrorists are on the way here OR they are already here.

Senior U.S. intelligence officials tell ABC News new intelligence suggests a small al Qaeda cell is on its way to the United States, or may already be here.

Worried? Don't worry. Somebody's on the case:

The White House has convened an urgent multi-agency meeting for Thursday afternoon to deal with the new threat.

OK. Maybe it's time to be worried. These are the assholes that could deal with a Category 5 hurricane even though it was being tracked by radar by every news organization in the world.

Now, I wonder why Homeland Security decided to issue this breaking news bulletin that demands airtime from every mainstream media outlet. I must be cynical to think this unconfirmed, unsubstantiated threat is an attempt distract us from other news. Like we've lost four thousand troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Or that insurgents have slipped through our surge and committed one of the most horrific attacks in Iraq since the war began.

Oh, and aren't we fighting them "there" so they won't come "here"? Whatever. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to stock up on duct tape and plastic sheets so I can protect myself from the Al Qaeda / Saddam Hussein / Kim Jong Il / Hugo Chavez / Fidel Castro terror threat... THAT *MIGHT* ALREADY BE SOMEWHERE PLANNING SOMETHING. Scared yet? You fucking better be.