Gay Republicans == Closet Democrats

Oh, those poor poor Republicans. The Mark Foley scandal has cracked them open like a rotten egg; filling the political void with the stench of homophobia. And where will this take the Log Cabin Republicans? They might want to consider Canada...

So are you ready for the newest Conspiracy theory? A very concerned white guy speculates:

If you are getting the idea that gay Republicans may be closeted Democrats, then you are beginning to understand how the Mark Foley scandal could have been a Democratic Party dirty trick.

You see? It's part of a multi-decade effort by the Democrats to diabolically destroy the Republican party from within. (And I thought Democrats couldn't come up with plans!) And yes, if you thought Republicans were going to try and bury this story as quickly as possible then this very worried straight guy has some more news:

It's early in the probe, but we may be looking at emerging evidence of a homosexual recruitment ring that operated on Capitol Hill. It's time to get beyond partisan politics and follow the evidence wherever it leads. Our media should not be intimidated by charges of "gay bashing." They must lead the way in getting to the bottom of this terrible abuse of power.

Yeah, it's time to find out what those queers knew and exactly the timeline of when they knew it. The Republicans don't care jack squat about finding out where Osama is; they don't care about fixing our intelligence issues in the Middle East; they don't care about figuring out how to get us out of Iraq. But gays? Oh Lord, it's time to stop EVERYTHING and get to the bottom of *this* abuse of power.

Have you wondered how the Republicans would respond if this was a heterosexual sex scandal? Gosh, if only they had to worry about one of their guys receiving a hummer from a woman. That would make things so much easier.

And now it's time for the Log Cabin Republicans to figure out who they really stand with. Their party's foundation is comprised of the red meat Fundamentalists that not only believe gays will burn in Hell; they get a perverse sense of satisfaction daydreaming about it. Meanwhile, those of us that live in the real world will have to endure relentless quasi-"gay bashing" while the media looks for the bottom of this truth.